Testimony of God's Grace
All that we were--our sins, our guilt,
Our death--was all our own:
All that we are we owe to Thee,
Thou God of grace, alone,
Thou God of grace, alone.
Thy mercy found us in our sins,
And gave us to believe;
Then, in believing, peace we found;
And in Thy Christ we live,
And in Thy Christ we live.
All that we are as saints on earth,
All that we hope to be
When Jesus comes and glory dawns,
We owe it all to Thee,
We owe it all to Thee.
Horatius Bonar (1808-1889)
-----------
I grew up in a Christian family, actively attending church. From a young age I was blessed to know the facts that Jesus died for my sins, that He rose again, that we needed to be forgiven, that He was the only way to heaven, and that nothing I could do would earn my way there. However, it's been a gradual process of the Lord applying those truths to my heart and helping me to grasp their significance.
Until I was in college, I would have said that I was saved at the age of four. That was when I first realized I needed Jesus to go to heaven (and prayed to ask Him into my heart). At age 8 when I was baptized, that was my testimony. Though I knew I was a sinner, I don't remember having much conviction of sin at that point.
During preteen/teen years, I learned about reading the Bible each day and started attending a teen Bible study. There was a desire in my heart to read and learn more and even to be a missionary (because I liked learning Spanish), but I was also self-righteous and critical of others that I didn't see living up to the standards we were learning. Already lonely and shy, that heart attitude likely made it worse. I didn't really attempt to make friends my own age.
---------
About the age of sixteen, I received some comments on my appearance and eating habits and decided to go on a diet. Maybe if I could look perfect, people would like me and I would have friends, I thought. For several years, I sinfully focused on food and outward appearance, which for a couple years was harmful to myself. Though busy in church and school and Bible studies and doing very well outwardly, I was struggling emotionally and spiritually.
Worse than that was the lack of openness with my parents, and distrust of God. Though I asked God to forgive me for my failures with food, I didn't take seriously the sinfulness of my heart. Though the Lord graciously kept me from extreme behaviors, I eventually began to feel miserable, desperate, and out of control.
--------
One of the Bible studies I attended was at the home of a former youth group leader. We had been studying 1 John. Although I knew that God loved me, I did not believe it. I didn't understand how He could when life was so hard. 1 John 4:20 convicted me of my bitterness towards my brother, who has special needs: "If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar."
Around age twenty, I started asking for help from a few ladies. I looked up to them and knew they would tell me the truth. One of them told me, "Rita, this is a besetting sin." That sobered me. I had never heard of that before. It was the first time someone had mentioned sin. Another one told me that I needed to take responsibility.
The next spring, I started meeting with another lady for counseling, but was not very open about spiritual struggles. However, one day when she asked about what to pray for, I told her, "I don't trust God." She said she would pray about that, and that week God gave me two opportunities to learn what it meant to trust Him.
--------
First, I had to take my younger sisters to camp. I was afraid that my precious youngest brother (with special needs) would act up in the car and we would not be able to control him. As I started driving, I cried out silently, "What does it mean to trust You, God? I know it doesn't mean nothing bad will happen because it very well could!" At that moment I remembered God's promise to never leave me or forsake me and was instantly calmer. God would be with me whatever happened, and it was the first time I understood that trusting God was taking Him at His word.
Second, that weekend I was responsible for cleaning the church. When my work was done, I wandered into the church library, praying, "God, please help me find something that will help me." In God's sovereignty, I picked up Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. The first section was all lies women believe about God.
I remember reading Psalm 119:68 "God is good, and everything He does is good," as well as John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." At that moment, the Lord gave me a deeper understanding that He was indeed good and that if He loved me enough to give His Son to die for me, then I could trust Him with what I didn't understand and could obey Him.
---------
Gradually, the Lord began to show me how I had sinned against others and began moving me to ask for forgiveness. That fall when I started attending Bible college, I felt in my conscience that I must listen to those who had counseled me. I needed to trust God and obey them, even if I gained weight.
The Lord also began to shift my thinking to be more concerned about spiritual struggles. While talking with one lady about bitterness, she said, "You realize who you're really bitter against?" GOD. Through Philippians 2, the Lord showed me that my shyness with people was selfish and that He wanted me to be interested in others, not just think about myself.
Participating in ministry during college was also where I first heard that "asking Jesus in one's heart" was not a Biblical phrase, and to avoid using that when talking with children about the gospel. Many people trust in a prayer or some act or decision to save them, rather than in Christ.
In a personal evangelism class, the Lord helped me understand what it meant that Jesus died "for my sins." It meant that Jesus was my substitute, taking the punishment of God that I deserved in my place, for my sins.
-------
Since then the Lord has brought various other trials and blessings in my life to teach me more about what it means to trust Him. Probably the greatest blessing has been bringing my husband, Justin, and me together 7 1/2 years ago.
Justin talked a lot about dying to oneself, which took on more meaning as we became husband/wife and, eleven months later, parents to a sweet baby girl. As I struggled with frustration and the fear of what people would think if my baby didn't keep the same schedule that other moms were using, Justin reminded me that babies aren't robots, they're people. The Lord used him to help me feel free to learn my baby's needs and routine as well as put aside my own selfish desires of perfect schedule to serve her...and LOVE her!
Two or three years ago after the birth of our son, I began to wonder if there were underlying issues regarding food/body image that had never been dealt with. One presentation by Elyse Fitzpatrick convicted me of vanity and focus on self. My Lord was put to open shame, and He wasn't focused on what He looked like. He was dying for us! I began to see that vanity was more than about my own appearance. I often judged other people outwardly and showed partiality by hanging out with those who made ME look good too.
I also began to see food as a good gift from God. I had always thanked God for my food before a meal, but in my heart often viewed it as more of a curse. Instead it is a blessing from God for the care of our physical bodies, even as it reminds us of our dependency on Him for our very life and on His word, our spiritual bread.
-------
This past year has been monumental as far as spiritual growth. I had been struggling with comparison and discontent, fears, and angry reactions at times as well as other things. Then our family encountered an unexpected trial. Though I knew God would take care of us (and He has!), I started rehearsing many other things that had gone "wrong" throughout the years. After all, isn't it hypocritical, I thought, to express thanks when you don't feel it?
No, it's rebellious! Didn't God judge the Israelites for their complaining and disobedience in the wilderness? Doesn't the wrath of God come on those who do not "honor Him as God or give thanks" (Rom. 1)? How blasphemous I was to despise God's sovereignty, accuse God of "wrong," and wallow in self-pity and ungratefulness! And how blasphemous to refuse to thank the God who gives me life!
Various circumstances led to my talking with another lady from church. Through these conversations and others, the loving counsel of my husband, many wonderful expositions of God's word, and some Biblical articles and presentations, the Lord opened my understanding to a lot of wonderful truths about what it means to follow Christ.
By God's grace, I am learning what it means to take thoughts captive--not to mentally "tie them up" but rather to replace them with Biblical thinking. (2 Cor. 10:3-5)
Repentance is not just stopping a certain behavior or confessing it, but rather involves a God-given change of desires and a longing for and pursuit of Christlikeness--a pursuit that continues one's whole life. (Isaiah 55:7, Matt. 5:2-6, 2 Cor. 5:17)
Salvation is not just from the penalty of sin so that I may go to heaven one day instead of hell. God saves rebel sinners to make them worshipers and servants of Christ. How I was missing that perspective! (Titus 2, John 4)
A life of following Christ is a life of faith, manifested in obedience. (Hebrews 11)
Obedience leads to joy, and Christ is enough--more satisfying than anything this world has to offer. Nothing is worth disobeying God.
Self-control is mental as much as behavioral--by the power of the Holy Spirit choosing to dwell and act on what is true and right. (Phil. 4:8)
True self-control is for the glory of God, not for some selfish motivation. (Titus 2:5)
Fear of man is deadly wicked, is really a desire for self-worship, and leads to so many other sins. God sees all. We must worship only Him. (Prov. 29:25)
God is a caring Father. He knows my worries and is perfectly in control. I can trust Him whatever has happened or ever will. (Matt. 6)
Related to that...what isn't currently happening, isn't real! (Martha Peace)
Though I often sin and will never be perfect in this life, Christ lived perfectly for me. And He died for me while I was a sinner. I can rest in His love and righteousness. (Rom. 5:8)
Boasting in myself is sinful. I am not self-made. As 1 Cor. 4:7 says, "For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?"
Marriage is ultimately for God's glory and the representation of the gospel. Is my relationship with my husband reflective of the church as the bride of Christ--faithful, devoted, and submissive to Him?
Christ has forgiven me so much and has bought me with His own blood. As His undeserving slave, what else can I do but obey Him? (Luke 17:7-10)
Christ died for my brothers and sisters in Christ. These ones are precious to Him and therefore precious to me also.
Christ came to serve, not to be served. As His follower, this is also my calling. (Mark 10:45)
I pray that the Lord will help me to remember these things and to apply them. Thank you, Lord, for Your saving and sanctifying grace.
Our death--was all our own:
All that we are we owe to Thee,
Thou God of grace, alone,
Thou God of grace, alone.
Thy mercy found us in our sins,
And gave us to believe;
Then, in believing, peace we found;
And in Thy Christ we live,
And in Thy Christ we live.
All that we are as saints on earth,
All that we hope to be
When Jesus comes and glory dawns,
We owe it all to Thee,
We owe it all to Thee.
Horatius Bonar (1808-1889)
-----------
I grew up in a Christian family, actively attending church. From a young age I was blessed to know the facts that Jesus died for my sins, that He rose again, that we needed to be forgiven, that He was the only way to heaven, and that nothing I could do would earn my way there. However, it's been a gradual process of the Lord applying those truths to my heart and helping me to grasp their significance.
Until I was in college, I would have said that I was saved at the age of four. That was when I first realized I needed Jesus to go to heaven (and prayed to ask Him into my heart). At age 8 when I was baptized, that was my testimony. Though I knew I was a sinner, I don't remember having much conviction of sin at that point.
During preteen/teen years, I learned about reading the Bible each day and started attending a teen Bible study. There was a desire in my heart to read and learn more and even to be a missionary (because I liked learning Spanish), but I was also self-righteous and critical of others that I didn't see living up to the standards we were learning. Already lonely and shy, that heart attitude likely made it worse. I didn't really attempt to make friends my own age.
---------
About the age of sixteen, I received some comments on my appearance and eating habits and decided to go on a diet. Maybe if I could look perfect, people would like me and I would have friends, I thought. For several years, I sinfully focused on food and outward appearance, which for a couple years was harmful to myself. Though busy in church and school and Bible studies and doing very well outwardly, I was struggling emotionally and spiritually.
Worse than that was the lack of openness with my parents, and distrust of God. Though I asked God to forgive me for my failures with food, I didn't take seriously the sinfulness of my heart. Though the Lord graciously kept me from extreme behaviors, I eventually began to feel miserable, desperate, and out of control.
--------
One of the Bible studies I attended was at the home of a former youth group leader. We had been studying 1 John. Although I knew that God loved me, I did not believe it. I didn't understand how He could when life was so hard. 1 John 4:20 convicted me of my bitterness towards my brother, who has special needs: "If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar."
Around age twenty, I started asking for help from a few ladies. I looked up to them and knew they would tell me the truth. One of them told me, "Rita, this is a besetting sin." That sobered me. I had never heard of that before. It was the first time someone had mentioned sin. Another one told me that I needed to take responsibility.
The next spring, I started meeting with another lady for counseling, but was not very open about spiritual struggles. However, one day when she asked about what to pray for, I told her, "I don't trust God." She said she would pray about that, and that week God gave me two opportunities to learn what it meant to trust Him.
--------
First, I had to take my younger sisters to camp. I was afraid that my precious youngest brother (with special needs) would act up in the car and we would not be able to control him. As I started driving, I cried out silently, "What does it mean to trust You, God? I know it doesn't mean nothing bad will happen because it very well could!" At that moment I remembered God's promise to never leave me or forsake me and was instantly calmer. God would be with me whatever happened, and it was the first time I understood that trusting God was taking Him at His word.
Second, that weekend I was responsible for cleaning the church. When my work was done, I wandered into the church library, praying, "God, please help me find something that will help me." In God's sovereignty, I picked up Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. The first section was all lies women believe about God.
I remember reading Psalm 119:68 "God is good, and everything He does is good," as well as John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life." At that moment, the Lord gave me a deeper understanding that He was indeed good and that if He loved me enough to give His Son to die for me, then I could trust Him with what I didn't understand and could obey Him.
---------
Gradually, the Lord began to show me how I had sinned against others and began moving me to ask for forgiveness. That fall when I started attending Bible college, I felt in my conscience that I must listen to those who had counseled me. I needed to trust God and obey them, even if I gained weight.
The Lord also began to shift my thinking to be more concerned about spiritual struggles. While talking with one lady about bitterness, she said, "You realize who you're really bitter against?" GOD. Through Philippians 2, the Lord showed me that my shyness with people was selfish and that He wanted me to be interested in others, not just think about myself.
Participating in ministry during college was also where I first heard that "asking Jesus in one's heart" was not a Biblical phrase, and to avoid using that when talking with children about the gospel. Many people trust in a prayer or some act or decision to save them, rather than in Christ.
In a personal evangelism class, the Lord helped me understand what it meant that Jesus died "for my sins." It meant that Jesus was my substitute, taking the punishment of God that I deserved in my place, for my sins.
-------
Since then the Lord has brought various other trials and blessings in my life to teach me more about what it means to trust Him. Probably the greatest blessing has been bringing my husband, Justin, and me together 7 1/2 years ago.
Justin talked a lot about dying to oneself, which took on more meaning as we became husband/wife and, eleven months later, parents to a sweet baby girl. As I struggled with frustration and the fear of what people would think if my baby didn't keep the same schedule that other moms were using, Justin reminded me that babies aren't robots, they're people. The Lord used him to help me feel free to learn my baby's needs and routine as well as put aside my own selfish desires of perfect schedule to serve her...and LOVE her!
Two or three years ago after the birth of our son, I began to wonder if there were underlying issues regarding food/body image that had never been dealt with. One presentation by Elyse Fitzpatrick convicted me of vanity and focus on self. My Lord was put to open shame, and He wasn't focused on what He looked like. He was dying for us! I began to see that vanity was more than about my own appearance. I often judged other people outwardly and showed partiality by hanging out with those who made ME look good too.
I also began to see food as a good gift from God. I had always thanked God for my food before a meal, but in my heart often viewed it as more of a curse. Instead it is a blessing from God for the care of our physical bodies, even as it reminds us of our dependency on Him for our very life and on His word, our spiritual bread.
-------
This past year has been monumental as far as spiritual growth. I had been struggling with comparison and discontent, fears, and angry reactions at times as well as other things. Then our family encountered an unexpected trial. Though I knew God would take care of us (and He has!), I started rehearsing many other things that had gone "wrong" throughout the years. After all, isn't it hypocritical, I thought, to express thanks when you don't feel it?
No, it's rebellious! Didn't God judge the Israelites for their complaining and disobedience in the wilderness? Doesn't the wrath of God come on those who do not "honor Him as God or give thanks" (Rom. 1)? How blasphemous I was to despise God's sovereignty, accuse God of "wrong," and wallow in self-pity and ungratefulness! And how blasphemous to refuse to thank the God who gives me life!
Various circumstances led to my talking with another lady from church. Through these conversations and others, the loving counsel of my husband, many wonderful expositions of God's word, and some Biblical articles and presentations, the Lord opened my understanding to a lot of wonderful truths about what it means to follow Christ.
By God's grace, I am learning what it means to take thoughts captive--not to mentally "tie them up" but rather to replace them with Biblical thinking. (2 Cor. 10:3-5)
Repentance is not just stopping a certain behavior or confessing it, but rather involves a God-given change of desires and a longing for and pursuit of Christlikeness--a pursuit that continues one's whole life. (Isaiah 55:7, Matt. 5:2-6, 2 Cor. 5:17)
Salvation is not just from the penalty of sin so that I may go to heaven one day instead of hell. God saves rebel sinners to make them worshipers and servants of Christ. How I was missing that perspective! (Titus 2, John 4)
A life of following Christ is a life of faith, manifested in obedience. (Hebrews 11)
Obedience leads to joy, and Christ is enough--more satisfying than anything this world has to offer. Nothing is worth disobeying God.
Self-control is mental as much as behavioral--by the power of the Holy Spirit choosing to dwell and act on what is true and right. (Phil. 4:8)
True self-control is for the glory of God, not for some selfish motivation. (Titus 2:5)
Fear of man is deadly wicked, is really a desire for self-worship, and leads to so many other sins. God sees all. We must worship only Him. (Prov. 29:25)
God is a caring Father. He knows my worries and is perfectly in control. I can trust Him whatever has happened or ever will. (Matt. 6)
Related to that...what isn't currently happening, isn't real! (Martha Peace)
Though I often sin and will never be perfect in this life, Christ lived perfectly for me. And He died for me while I was a sinner. I can rest in His love and righteousness. (Rom. 5:8)
Boasting in myself is sinful. I am not self-made. As 1 Cor. 4:7 says, "For who regards you as superior? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?"
Marriage is ultimately for God's glory and the representation of the gospel. Is my relationship with my husband reflective of the church as the bride of Christ--faithful, devoted, and submissive to Him?
Christ has forgiven me so much and has bought me with His own blood. As His undeserving slave, what else can I do but obey Him? (Luke 17:7-10)
Christ died for my brothers and sisters in Christ. These ones are precious to Him and therefore precious to me also.
Christ came to serve, not to be served. As His follower, this is also my calling. (Mark 10:45)
I pray that the Lord will help me to remember these things and to apply them. Thank you, Lord, for Your saving and sanctifying grace.
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