Why I'm Thankful for My C-sections and What I'm Learning From Them

 You know, in some ways it's a little embarrassing to even share this since c-sections are such a minor trial compared to many things that my friends are currently going through or have gone through. And yet I know God works in even these small things, and I hope this can be an encouragement to others.

1. They forced me to face my bitterness and jealousy.

After our daughter's birth, I wanted a vaginal delivery, I planned for one, I set my mind to have one. I listened to everyone who told me I could or even "would" have one and ignored the possibility that I might not. I chose a facility with a high VBAC success rate. I wanted to prove my previous provider wrong, who told me that a vaginal birth would be unlikely. I knew that was bitterness in my heart, but having the second C-section brought that bitterness and jealousy out in the open and made me wrestle with what I believed about God (next point).

2. They forced me to deepen my trust in God's sovereignty and goodness.

Did I do something wrong? Did I not plan enough? I don't know, and I don't really care to second-guess anymore. It's already had enough of my mental time. What I do know for sure is that, God in His sovereignty ordained that I would have c-sections. How do I know that? Because I had them. And He's a good God--a God who gives what is best and what I need, not necessarily what makes me "happy" at the moment. How do I know that? He sent His Son to die for me. That is the best, and costliest, and most necessary gift He could ever give.

3. They (and the labors and recoveries) made me physically and emotionally weak.

I'm sure labor and delivery make every woman feel weak, embarrassed and, well, exposed at times. Yes, I panicked, cried in front of strangers, prayed out loud ("God, please help me!"), vomited, and was my most physically helpless. Yes, I also cringe thinking about words that were not kind or patient. But I'm thankful for God bringing me through these experiences so that hopefully I can have compassion on others in their weakness.

4. They forced me to die.

No, not physical death, but rather death to my ideals, my desires. Not all my desires were bad. They were understandable, but I focused on them in my bitterness. During my second pregnancy, I was hoping to be the first person (other than the midwife) to hold our newborn. I wanted to see him all gooped up, with cord still attached, before he was all covered in a blanket. I wanted fewer limitations after the birth so that I could care more easily for our newborn and toddler daughter. And I wanted to see the placenta (kinda weird, I know) since I hadn't the first time.

None of those things happened, but, I had other "first moments," and my recovery was quick and not as limiting as I feared. Our kind midwife took a picture of our son all "gooped up" behind the drape. (I have heard that there are clear drapes now, so maybe next time...)

Other precious memories of their births include the midwife laying our son on me in the operating room, catching a glimpse of our newborn daughter (moments after she was born and still wet) as they carried her to a warming table, holding each one for the first time and feeding them, and looking at our child and just knowing that I wanted to experience that feeling of amazement another time.

In dying to my ideals (rather, idols), I am free to worship God and enjoy what He gives, whatever that is. If the Lord grants us to have another child, I don't know under what circumstances he/she might be born, the complications I might/might not face, and whether or not those first moments are even pleasant (who knows!), but I hope to trust the Lord in those times and am thankful for a husband who helps me to focus on the truth of God's word.

5. They humbled me.

I was prideful--a birth snob. I used to watch (and critique) those birth shows as a teenager. When someone on the show had a c-section, I was quick to point out all that she could have done or not done to have avoided one. In real life, I may not have always voiced those critiques, but I thought them.

6. They remind me what it really means to love someone.

Real love is selfless. In the delivery room when the decision was made, we went ahead with the c-sections out of love for our children. Whatever my disappointment, desires, fears or questions, they were far outweighed by the love for and concern for our children. That's something the birth shows cannot fully depict.

However, our love for our children pales in comparison to the love shown to us by Jesus Christ. He is the greatest example of selfless love.

The Bible says in John,

"No one has greater love than this--that one lays down his life for his friends."

and in Romans,

"But God demonstrates his own love for us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, because we have now been declared righteous by his blood, we will be saved through him from God’s wrath."

When Jesus, the perfect, sinless Son of God, hung on the cross, He was dying for sinners, people who hated Him and God's law. He was taking God's wrath for my sin, my bitterness, my pride, my jealousy, my selfishness, my failure to love, and my unkindness and the sin of all those who would come to Him in repentance and faith. And when a sinner does come to him in repentance and faith, recognizing their own sinfulness before God, God declares that sinner "righteous"--not because of their own deeds, but because of Christ's--and saves that sinner from His wrath. The Bible declares that Christ rose from the dead in proof of who He is, the living God, and that He will one day return for all those who love Him and to judge the world in righteousness.

Perhaps in a much smaller way, the C-sections, and even the pregnancies themselves, were a way to show that kind of self-giving love to our children.

7. They brought these little cuties safely out of my womb and into our arms.

They had to get out somehow! After all, I couldn't stay pregnant forever! (FYI, they were both post-dates, born at 41 weeks, 2 days and 42 weeks.) So thankful that God gave us healthy, uncomplicated surgeries and the joy of raising these precious gifts.